Off to the new Just One Cigarette Blog

I have four new posts up at the other blog, or the new blog, including the 6 month challenge that unexpectedly unfolded today. Link is below:

Just One Cigarette

How Far Have Women Really Come with Cigarettes?

“They say that when Pall Malls were originally introduced, women took to them immediately because they felt the extra length made their noses look shorter. Maybe this thin cigarette similarly could be liked because it makes your hand look slimmer and more graceful. Immediately we felt we were dealing with a feminine idea: women are the stylish sex. There was a tactile distinctiveness too -- equally important and advantageous...” - Hal Weinstein, Vice President and Creative Director, Leo Burnett Company (‘How an Agency Builds a Brand - The Virginia Slims Story).

After years of smoking, it’s easy to have residual anger. Even now, I can't watch the first few seasons of Sex and the City without wanting to slap Sarah Jessica Parker in the face each time she shoves a Marlboro into her mouth. One would think that, as a producer of the show, she'd know better. But money must talk for her character's televised cigarette habit to last more than two seasons.

It’s difficult to soak in the facts, that of the ignorance the feminists of the 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s had when they permitted cigarette advertising in magazines such as Ms.
Sometimes I wonder what Gloria Steinem would have to say to the cigarette advertisements in Ms magazine. Other times I wonder why this bunch of ‘iconic’ female thinkers couldn’t really be bothered to go as far as to enlighten women about the poison that was packaged and advertised as the next best beauty product: the cigarette

CONTINUED HERE

I, Anti-Smoker

There are days when I think that I have become one of the people I despised as a smoker - the vehement anti-smoker. Today was such a day.
Feelings come and go, I usually snap at Mr Live-In, whom I’ll call Nick, for his hardcore anti-smoking stance, to the point where he’ll verbally comment on the ‘disgusting smoke’ in a smoker’s presence. I’m much more easy going. Now I fear becoming like Nick. He’s the way he is because he has come full circle. It’s as though he has spent four decades of his life smoking, to open his eyes and see the wood for the tobacco plants.

Continued..

Smoking Cessation: The First 3 Days

"The big picture is trying to figure out why people smoke. There are a lot of health risks, and the majority of smokers already know what they are. They want to quit but can’t. It’s not because nicotine is a potent drug; it doesn’t induce significant amounts of pleasure or euphoria. Yet, it’s just as difficult if not more difficult to quit than other drugs.” - Matthew Palmatier, assistant professor of psychology at Kansas State University.

November 2008

On the second and third days after quitting, the headaches set in. My headaches had little to do with nicotine withdrawal. On the second day, shortly before midday on, my head pounded. I took to the sofa, hoping a fifteen minute nap would alleviate the symptoms, to remember that I hadn’t yet made an instant coffee. Normally I’d be up to my fourth or fifth cup of coffee at midday. My old self would have taken the easy route - sneaked to the tobacconist, paid for a fresh packet and regressed for the twentieth, thirtieth...(Who am I kidding when I’ve lost count?) time, get stuck in a routine that would see feeling like crap each morning, to venture out and experience commuters avoid sitting next to me on the bus.

Post continued on the new site.

Quitting on a Sunday | Life on the Monday

My new post Quitting on a Sunday | Life on the Monday is here.
I'm finding it easier with the Typepad blogging platform.

Typepad Version of Just One Cigarette

Here is the Typepad version of the blog.
Check out my new banner there.

A Brief Change

In regard to this blog, I'm going to try out Typepad as well, so I'll also be blogging from the below address:

http://justonecigarette.typepad.com

It's just that there are more page layout options with Typepad, and I'm not a Blogger whiz

On Quitting: Anger to Pavlovian Conditioning

Quitting isn’t a single stage process. There is the social aspect that can conflict with the quitter’s objective. If colleagues smoke, it can be difficult and this difficulty doesn’t involve the actual nicotine but the very people. Outside work, smoking friends can create complications that elongate the process. Stop. Start. Stop. Start.
Quitting can resemble the on and off diet. You start on Monday to cave in mid-week. A few more years of this and starting on Monday means falling off the wagon on the same day. Such failure leads to feelings of shame and guilt.
Voila! A vicious circle is created and, if you ask me, it's insane. But that is how it is. It's similar to dieting. Dieters will be familiar with the guilt and frustration that follows indulgence. Relapsing smokers/ex smokers feel the same way. They don’t really want to continue smoking but once they fall off the bandwagon, they embrace what they know - the tobacco propaganda. It's tremendously easy to slip into the stream of excuses.
It's as though there are two personalities struggling for supremacy. There is the logical self, the one who recognises the folly of nicotine, the tobacco industry and cigarettes. Then there is the equivalent of the little red devil or bad conscience, that little voice that creates excuses for everything. People may differ, but smokers have similar excuses. Long term smokers have used cigarettes for things other than relaxation. Relaxation is like an umbrella term for things like anxiety, frustration and anger.
My personal weak point is anger/frustration. This duo really pushes me on the edge. Six months after quitting, and I still have to take time out. Even if it means removing myself from social situations that include a few smokers, I'll do it.
After numerous attempts at quitting, the longest taking place in 2000, when I quit for 8 months, I know the triggers and if the individual looks deep inside, the triggers are there. My triggers:

• Frustration situations that leave me short tempered. These can be anything ranging from incompetent co-workers/managers to a pain in the butt bureaucrat. A recent example: entering a work recruitment agency to sign up and having to wait for the two receptionists to end their non-work related conversation before I could fill in all the paperwork.
  
• Going shopping for clothes, to find that a) I need to lose (even more) a few more pounds to fit into something. Right now, I'm down to a size 14, and the Australian women's sizing standard is in the toilet. It also doesn't help if 99.5% of clothes are made in China, where women's sizing tends to be smaller. After struggling in fitting rooms, it can take me two hours to get over frustration - I go home, go to my room and take a nap.
• The fact that my landlord is taking ages to repair a few things that need repairing before winter.

It doesn't matter what it is. There is no real valid excuse. But the emotional response is a lot like the conditioned response in Pavlovian conditioning. Frustration/Anger ---> the conditioned response of lighting up a cigarette. That's all it is. Many behavioral outcomes can be fit into Pavlovian Theory.

More simply:

1. Smokers teach themselves how to smoke or how to perform the 'neat tricks' of drawing in smoke, exhaling smoke (One of my first tricks as a ten year old was to exhale smoke rings). And if they don't teach themselves at first, no problem, they've already spent hours watching either their parents or other people smoke.

2. Logic follows that if smokers can teach themselves to smoke, they can teach themselves to quit.

Today's Quit Tip: Nicotine Exposure

This tip may not be the best, but here it's a small window to my daily routine. I've actually had to ease myself into re-exposing myself to smokers. Don't get me wrong. The individual may not be vile. It's the smoking that's vile. Unfortunately it weaves its way into the individual (literally). The clothes and breath is the first to go, followed by the teeth which turn a ghastly yellow.

How to overcome smoking with so many smokers? It's not bloody easy.

I don't have much to offer office workers here. I've been fortunate enough to quit while off work. If I had to quit at my previous workplace (to Australian readers, who'll probably hate me: I worked at Telstra, a workplace that was so stressful, annoying and riddled with middle manager bullies and idiotic work performance targets that a small portion of its workers committed suicide). For smokers working in heartless corporations like Telstra, I'd suggest small lifestyle changes (join a gym, consult a nutritionist and therapist) before quitting, because if the workplace's insane policies don't get you, then your co-workers (bosses included) may inspire you to relapse and ingest nicotine (and sidestream smoke) faster than a Lollapalooza act.

Seriously, you may need to reassess your life if things are overwhelming. Separate your monthly bills from your well being. If a job is creating abnormal stress levels that may have adverse effects, like shortening your life span by presenting a host of physical symptoms (high blood pressure, insomnia, negative self talk, dietary extremes, etc), then it gains significance.

Take recessions. I personally find recessions a pain in the butt and this isn't based on my finances (realistically the less money/assets I have the less stress: I fewer decisions. It's not like I have to worry about my accountant, strata title rates, council rates, etc), it's based on employer stinginess. Many companies may not need to downsize, but a strange thing happens during recessions: they follow the same Jones' mentality. If corporate behemoth downsizes, then the smaller company will downsize, thinking that the larger company knows what its doing. That, I'm afraid, is a myth. Unfortunately, the worker bears the mental brunt. The stress is horrible, but the sobering reality is that many of these events are beyond a citizens control - I don't have enough space to go into governments, how they coddle corporations and let them shift work offshore and all that...
Most huge corporations have no idea what they're doing and many make stupid decisions or decisions that are too large for their means. Look at General Motors.
Bottom line: If you're job is health hazard to your physical and mental health, look for another job. The idea of solving everything and being a hero works better in films, television and comic books. Not real life.

Weeks into quitting, you may want to consider maintaining a regular physical regimen. I've noticed that quitters who don't have a higher chance of relapsing. The beauty of exercise is that it requires a fit body, and if you're not fit, each attempt -whether it be cycling, a gym class, walking - will make you fitter. Rome wasn't built in a day. Quitting nicotine is the same.

This is what I do on a daily basis:

I make sure that I walk to most places. I no longer avoid the vile group of smokers (office smokers, telemarketers, pub locals). And apologies in advance, but they are vile. Walking past these small groups alters my thought processes. I think: "Jesus, I used to smoke like that?" (Yes you did!), "God they stink!" (Like you stank.), "Don't they see the wretched habit for what it is?" (How long did it take you to see it?).

On Tuesdays, I am hardcore. I go to my regular spin class, and half way through the 45 minute session, usually during a hill climb when my lungs are screaming at me to stop, for me to continue, I mentally flagellate myself: "See, you'd be fitter if you didn't spent twenty years puffing away," and "You think this is bad, you want to start smoking again. You want to smoke another cigarette, bitch?"

Believe me (insert gloomy horror movie music), one spin class a week is enough to scare my socks off.
Quitting cigarettes isn't just about quitting an alleged craving. It's about altering the lifestyle and improving fitness.

How can you improve fitness if you're inhaling poison?
And that is what nicotine, but more importantly, the 500+ chemical ingredients in cigarettes are. Poison. Just think. The cigarette you're possibly inhaling, that you've probably inhaled (if you're an ex smoker), contains the same ingredients as toilet cleaner.

Tobacco and the 21st Century

Tobacco companies no longer require magazine or newspaper advertisements. They don’t require television adverts or epic cinema trailers featuring the Marlboro Man. All they need is a sophisticated socialite, It Girl, “Hunk of the Moment” or rock star to be photographed by paparazzi photographers. The images are syndicated around the world and they may not be blatant adverts but they do help to create a subconscious message: A-list actor is sexy and smokes---> Smokers are sexy ---> If I smoke I may be as attractive as A-list actor. It’s not a question of gullibility and more about subconscious associations. We trick ourselves with images and subtle symbols that operate on a subliminal level so what chance do we have if professional magicians, in the form of advertising executives, marketing wizards and their psychologist allies, work together to persuade us to consume? If a celebrity raves on about Brand X perfume, then fans are intrigued by Brand X and because they want to be associated to the celebrity, they’ll purchase the perfume. Subtle cigarette advertising in the form of ‘candid’ paparazzi photographs may operate on the same level as can film product placement that usually depicts ‘cool’ smoking characters.

It was philosopher Descartes who said, "I think therefore I am". I’d like to say, I smoke therefore I am...stupid. However before later in life stupidity there was the period that was my childhood, the adult role models within it and widespread social acceptance of smoking as - depending on which form of propaganda you remember - a sophisticated, glamorous and relaxing pastime. It’s a three stage process. I started smoking to gain sophistication in the form of feeling and - in my childish mind - pretending to be grown up. During middle to late adolescence, I practiced various oral moves that were geared toward providing just enough smoke display to entice. Forget fellatio. Smoking was the first oral technique most 20th Century women learned. Judging by the seemingly sophisticated ‘It’ Girls taking up smoking, it still is the first oral technique females learn in the 21st Century.

When the sophistication and glamor fades, the excuse to smoke for relaxation kicks in. “It relaxes my nerves,” or “It soothes my stress” become regular excuses. What happens when the supposed relaxing properties begin to wane, as they tend to wane after a level of tolerance is reached? More nicotine is required. The smoker requires more cigarettes per day. Hello 30, 50 and 100 cigarettes a day. The lie begins to take shape but what will we do now that we rely on the damned things to temporarily relieve stress, curb the appetite or feel a sense of social belonging?

Dead Celebrity Smokers: Betty Grable

Some say that the folly of the young is for the young to believe in the idea of their immortality. When you're 'young' (it depends on how you define young), you don't think that death will strike you. I'm betting that today's smoking celebrities don't think that smoking will affect them...Some of them may still live life in accordance to the Lucky Strike advert, think that smoking keeps them 'trim.'

Their Hollywood predecessors probably had the same attitude. Even so, the celebrities of yesterday were victims of blatant advertising, sneaky tobacco companies (especially non-disclosure) and social trends influenced by advertisers.

Dead Celebrity Smokers will be a weekly feature on this blog. It will highlight the famous smokers, most of whom have died from smoking related illnesses.

The woman to the left is Betty Grable, and the image consolidated her adult career. She was also the inspiration behind Hugh Hefner's Playboy empire. It also kept soldiers company. Betty Grable was the Heidi Klum of the 40's; she was known to have the best legs in the Hollywood of her day. Before Klum, Grable had her legs insured by Lloyds of London for US$1 million.

Although she made her screen debut as a minor, her career took off in 1939, in the film Du Barry was a Lady. By 1940, she had a contract with 20th Century Fox. It was during her rise as an actress that she posed for the iconic image (1943). The poster was the 40's equivalent of the 70's Farrah Fawcett red swimsuit poster. Despite her film rivals (Rita Hayworth, Lana Turner, Veronica Lake), she because the highest earning actress in the late 40's. Her films include Coney Island, Mother Wore Tights, Moon Over Miami, Meet Me After the Show and others. Her last film hit was How to Marry a Millionaire (also starring Marilyn Monroe and Lauren Bacall).

Compared to today's standards, Grable lived a short life. She died in 1972, from lung cancer.

She was 56.

Changing Trends

In the 1920’s, European socialites considered tanned skin tacky. When French couturier, Gabrielle ‘Coco’ Chanel, altered fashion to ‘liberate’ women from their bone cages, she displayed her revolutionary new styles with a new accessory - sun tanned skin. Sun kissed skin became de rigueur. Every socialite cultivated a tan. Also, Chanel was a chain smoker. Current debate in Europe over the biopic film poster for Coco Avant Chanel is split, with people saying that history shouldn't be altered (Chanel's smoking censored), but the film poster with French actress Audrey Tatau holding a cigarette is like a cigarette advert. French transport chiefs have seen sense, and are banning the poster. (Note: It's easy to promote smoking using younger faces, but those faces - after years of addiction - become withered over time. As noted in this real image of Coco Chanel on the left).
The image of Audrey smoking is not really necessary on the poster and it's dubious, quite suspect in fact, that -as Chanel- she is portrayed this way, when Chanel was more famous for her clothes. I would think that an image of Chanel in a suit, not in bed with a smoke, is more appropriate. Pro tobacco people try to use Chanel's late death (at the age of 86) to soften the lethality of tobacco. Few are willing to entertain the truth, how Chanel looked double her age before her time. By the age of sixty, she looked to be bordering on eighty; shrivelled, wrinkled and quite decrepit. Her chain smoking would have tainted her glamorous and expensive suits; no matter how expensive, stinking like a hobo isn't sophisticated. Back in her day though, most people smoked. When you smoke you can't tell the difference. If Chanel lived today, smoked the way she did, few people would find her odour attractive or sophisticated.

In the 20th Century, sun tanning was exposed for what it actually was - a killer in large subtle doses. People tried to refrain from tanning between the high UV hours, but this didn’t provide guarantees. Others thought that sun beds in indoor salons offered better results in a shorter time frame. Unfortunately, this didn’t exclude the possibility of skin cancer. One noted melanoma campaign features 26 year old Australian woman, Clare Oliver, at the terminal stage of her cancer. She speaks about her cancer, and doesn’t look like a terminal cancer patient, but the epilogue following her piece confirms her death a few weeks after the filming of the public service announcement.

More than a decade ago, American actor Yul Brynner filmed a similar campaign for lung cancer. His public service announcement was aired after his death. He warned people not to smoke or commence smoking. Years later, all the happening It Girls, 3rd generation Hollywood brats and fashion icons are puffing away, sometimes holding the habit up as a creative accelerant or muse. Interviews with celebrities discuss smoking habits like fashion accessories. Some celebrities will go as far as to say that smoking is part of their personality; one wonders if they receive tobacco freebies, as such statements outline their ignorance.

The juxtaposition of cigarette addiction with celebrity exercise regimes is ironic, to say the least, but it isn’t about their habits per se, but the image represented by the celebrity: I am a hot happening celebrity and I smoke wherever I can because I think it’s cool (and you should too?). It’s quite uncool (and stupid?).

The Turning Point

Over the decades, I’ve stopped to start to quit to relapse to patch myself up to falter to overindulge to quit-medicate to fail and to start with a fresh packet of cigarettes...to find myself at a dead end, laden with corporate baggage. It wasn’t enough to be unsatisfied with my corporate job, dealing with the subtle nuances of office politics and bullying, but I carried my personal piece of bullying on my body 24/7, three hundred and sixty five days a year (including leap years) for more than two decades. Did this awareness diminish the fact that I learned something new, that if you boil strong tobacco in water, you could use it as an insecticide? Wonders never cease. This information was top secret in the Sixties. Consumers wouldn’t find out about the addictive quality of nicotine until the Nineties. As for myself? I reached the end point eight years after my supposed Y2K resolution to cease.

Sure, there are the health issues. In Australia, like other parts of the world, anti-cigarette television adverts are like micro horror films. At any time of the day, one may glimpse gangrenous toes, oral cancer and a human artery choked with fat. There are more and all are grotesque, yet I am able to compartmentalise; I’ve smoked during these adverts. I’ve bought packets after watching countless anti-cigarette public service adverts. My addiction is such that I equate it with other debilitating addictions such as alcoholism.

Apart from the gross anatomical smoking related illnesses, the most debilitating part of cigarette smoking is the self conditioning. I'd visit cafés that permit smoking outdoors. I’ve stopped visiting pubs since the legislation of anti-smoking laws for pubs, clubs and bars. Each morning, coffee was accompanied by the first cigarette of the day. When I'd sit to write, I'd morph into the quintessential smoking writer or caricature, of yester-decade. Trends change.

The Last (Ciggie) Hurrah

March 2008 Diary Entry:

It’s been months since the Last Confession, or the Chest X-Ray scare; I’m still smoking.

I think about quitting once a day. This thought should be inspired by the health hazards, but it’s based on finances. I burn money each time I light up. Federal governments earn gobsmacking tax revenue from nicotine sales, and use funds to establish and support anti-smoking lobbies to offset the tobacco curse. It’s like being fucked in the ass without lubricant. If you call the Quit Line, you’re doing something great, fantastic even, and it is positive.

I haven’t called the Quit Line. The idea of speaking to a customer service-like officer about my smoking habits unnerves me. It’s all so corporate. Much like work…waiting for a faceless person to answer. What if they’re not ex-smokers? What if they’ve never smoked in their entire life? How will they understand the shit I’ve gotten myself into?

“Welcome to Quit Line. This is Helen, how can I assist you?”
“I smoke.”
(D’oh)
“Hello? Did I mention that I smoke?”
“How many cigarettes do you smoke per day?”
“A packet.”
“How many in a packet?”
“Twenty five.”
(OMG)
“Hello?”
“Yes. Twenty five?”
“Yes.” (And?)
“You’ve made a good decision.”
“I’m undecided.”
“Undecided? Well, this is a good step.”
“I’ve tried it ten times.”
“Smoking?”
“Quitting.”

Really, I’ve lost count.

I’ve never called the Quit Line. I have no plans on requesting additional assistance. Discussing my Achilles heel is on par with farting in an elevator. It’s something you don’t do.

A year later and down to my final three cigarettes, I decided to chain smoke them on the toilet. The events leading up to my decision to quit the cigarette weren’t based on any horrific medical conditions (Why wait that long?). Even as I anticipated the next few days, weeks and months without nicotine, I knew that there would be no guarantee of escaping a smoking related illness. I have been a smoker for more than twenty years. Most of my life; I’ve served a life sentence funneling smoke into my lungs.

Recently, I surfed the web and arrived at a web page advertising the latest therapies offered by Big Pharma. On the web page, the visitor (or smoker) is prompted to enter the starting date and daily cigarette intake into the online calculator. My result didn’t shock. I expected something higher than the incredible total. 100,000 cigarettes: 4340 packets of twenty five cigarettes since the age of nine. Yes, I was nine years old when I sneaked my first cigarette.

The Original Chauvinists: Big Tobacco

Going over my slab of writing on the tobacco industry, as well as my long-term relationship with cigarettes (longer than any other relationship I've had with a person -that's true and I think most diehard smokers would admit the same if they faced it), I look at myself six months later and think, 'phew'.
I'm not complacent though. It's only been six months. I may be proud of the fact that I've licked it cold turkey (compared to my other attempts), but I still have to beat my nine month record. '
My first nine month period (the longest I've quit) unfolded during my pregnancy fourteen years ago.
The second nine month period occurred during the 2nd year of the college degree I didn't complete.
Both smoke free intervals ended and both endings related to frivolous excuses. The first time, I was a frazzled new parent, bored being home alone, and returned to the only thing that I regarded as a friend - the cigarette.
The second time, I was in a relationship that went over the cliff, so I did what most women do, what most women are (indirectly, via advertising) told to do - go through extremes: eat, drink...get drunk, or in my case, smoke.

Now, after so many attempts, after finally quitting the cigarette in November 2008, I can honestly put the tobacco industry on my tirade hit list. There is no other chauvinist that has influenced, what some women think is feminist, female habits in the 20th Century than the tobacco industry.

Back when people didn't approve of females smoking, a clever person decided that he'd use the feminist angle to encourage women to smoke. That person is considered the father of the PR industry, Edward Bernays. As Sigmund Freud's nephew, he knew the link between psychology and behavior. It was he who encouraged women to parade with Lucky Strike cigarettes during the Easter Parade in New York...

Decades later...the tobacco industry proliferated. It may even be considered to be the first industyr to outsource. Don't believe me?

Then why was tobacco grown all over Europe. The same tobacco that was packaged and sold in countries other than Europe? The only reason I know this is because my mother's parents grew tobacco in Greece. Hence, I had an early start to cigarettes. My mother was already addicted when she was pregnant with me. She also smoked during her pregnancy...

Her memories of being 'on the land' also include tales of her naughtiness, sneaking cigarettes as a child. I have a similar story about sneaking cigarettes as a kid. It was something that was promoted in films. By promoted, I mean that child actresses like Tatum O'Neal smoked for effect in films like Paper Moon.

Many Generation Y smokers probably have no idea about that film. But I remember watching it as a child. Each generation has its tobacco prompt. My prompts were the 'golden oldie' films that I grew up watching...cliche upon cliche...the romantic moment with the hero offering the damsel a lit cigarette from his mouth (the 50's and 60's version of eroticism in mainstream film).

Let's face it. Corporations tend to use women to further their corporate cause. In the past, women were at home. Women, and in some cultures today women are in charge of supermarket shopping, made the domestic decisions. It was natural for advertising companies to target their ideal smoker: women

Look at the advert to the left. Blow smoke in her face and she'll follow you anywhere. Really? Generation Y may think the ad to the left is stupid. But why do they really smoke if they don't smoke for the psychological association between smoking and sexual allure?
The ad is uber chauvinist. There are even worse adverts preceding this advert.

During the 20's and 30's, smoking was targeted toward women. The Lucky Strike brand was used by Edward Bernays, who made a cunning parallel between the cigarette (the flaming cigarette) and the supposed 'torch of liberation." The irony of this is that it led to addiction and there is nothing liberating about substance addiction.

The outcome of his marketing strategy, one that is still used today, is that it turned women on to Lucky Strike, but it wasn't just about Lucky Strike. For women who thought themselves oppressed (for not being 'permitted' to smoke socially), they saw a bunch of women in a NY parade smoking, and thought...'uh huh!' Unfortunately, female psychology is a bit of a let down. Even during feminism, magazines like Gloria Steinem's Ms, included chauvinistic cigarette advertisements between their pages.

Women have been conditioned to think that they're flawed from the beginning of history. Ever since 'Eve'. At our core, we know that the story of Adam and Eve is fallacious, but we still react to the theory/concept of the flawed female.

People like Edward Bernays relied on this insecurity to create a successful advertising campaign during a permissive time. The generations of women that followed didn't fare better as they were the daughters of nicotine addicts. During the 50's and 60's, tobacco experienced a peak time as an acceptable social behavior; I remember as a child, adults refusing an offer of cigarettes were considered rude and unsocial.

Now...Generation Y looks toward identifiable celebrities, more often those who are famous for being famous, and apes behaviors. It doesn't make it less chauvinist.

Spinning...Spinning...Spun

Last November, the first item on my agenda - apart from ending my relationship with cigarettes - related to my personal fitness.
Trust me, the myth that you read or hear about cigarettes, how they keep weight off? It's a myth. The people who use that excuse to continue smoking, have a fast enough metabolism, have never been grossly overweight.
What do those people have to say to smokers who have been overweight for years whilst smoking?
Probably nothing.
It took me two months to join my local gymnasium. From November to January, I was willing myself to succeed. It was easier the umpteenth time around.
During my last weeks as a smoker, I'd take public transport. It took me a year to notice that no one would sit next to me if they had another choice. During afternoon peak time, commuters grudgingly sat on the edge of the seat (if I sat nearer to the window).
Their reluctance didn't relate to my personal hygiene. I bathed.
By the end of the day, I'd stink of stale tobacco.
They didn't want to sit (or stand) next to me on the bus because I stank of smoke.

One of the first changes that is obvious to others around you, even if it isn't obvious to you or you pretend not to notice it, is that -within a day- your odour changes. The minute you butt out, shower and change into fresh clothes - you cease stinking of stale tobacco.
The next thing to tackle is the physical aspect.
Looking back, I wish I joined the gym during the same month I quit. I would not have experienced the two drag relapse in early January, if I did.
At the gym, the state of your physical fitness is made obvious and this (usually) poor fitness level can be used by the old smoker within as the excuse to return to the lethal stinky fold.
Fortunately for me, it wasn't about fitness. My reason to join the gym related to fitting into regular clothes.
In January, I'd run out of options. I no longer wanted to be a size 18-20 heifer that I became. By joining the gym, I'd take the first steps to shift the flab.
At first, I eased into the exercise, opting for circuit and treadmill sessions. After two months, I decided to join classes. Now I wish I began classes like bodypump earlier, but I shied away from showing my - to me - disgusting fatness to larger audiences. As far as I was concerned, my weight was as aesthetically challenging as it was when I was pregnant and gained 30 kilograms. The difference between that time and the present: I stopped smoking during pregnancy, and returned to the gym in a fitter state of being. Now, after more than fourteen years of smoking (post pregnancy), with two minor breaks (I'd start smoking within weeks), I was worse off.
As I write this, I'm psyching myself up for my weekly spin class.
It's a class that I'm finding difficult. It doesn't matter if I've spent four months at the gym beginning with treadmill, cross training machines, circuit, two months of bodypump classes...it doesn't prepare you for spin.
I'm not a leisure cyclist.
My other embarrassing confession: I don't know how to ride a real bike. The reason is straightforward, and indicative of how fat -despte what the ignorant fat activists say - ruins life. I was so fat as a 10 year old that I had difficulty balancing, so I'd topple over each time I'd try to ride a bike. Mind, I wasn't a fat toddler or child. I put it on after the age of 9.
It's difficult for me to learn to love spin in that energetic "I love it!" way. I can't say I like it, but which fat person likes spin?
Another question: Which recent non-smoker likes spin?
It may depend on the duration of their relationship with cigarettes. The longer you smoke, the more difficult it is, but perservering is the key.
What I do know is that I need to push myself further. I need to get myself back into the healthy groove, and somehow improve my lung capacity.
After a month of spin, I still don't see a visible respiratory improvement. I still struggle. I don't over exert myself or kid myself into thinking that I can cycle like the other masters in my class, but even with the resistance at a level the pros would find embarrassing, my lungs feel like they're burning as we're climbing imaginary hills or racing.
During such intensity, my lungs struggle and I will my blood cells to transport more oxygen to my lungs.
It's during this time that my biggest regret dominates my mind; I close my eyes and escape from the small room or the gung-ho spin instructor. It's as the sweat drenches my back, as my lungs scream for oxygen, that I regret ever picking up the first cigarette in my life.

Just One Cigarette

I decided to commence this blog earlier today. Actually, just after midday, I sat down and thought that I was ready to begin this blog. I've been really great about being a non-smoker. It isn't easy being a new non-smoker after more almost two decades as a maniacal pack a day (and a bit) smoker.
After midday, I craved some real coffee. The craving related to a bad purchase of instant coffee (Nescafe Gold Blend, which is beyond bland), not being able to deal with the remaining contents of my coffee mug, I grabbed a friend and went to have a real coffee.
At my local café, we saw an acquaintance. In the traditional manner of most diehard smokers, he carried his packet of cigarettes in his hand. He updated us on his latest news. He’s also the type to over-stress over just about anything. One of those people who think stress is a validation of masculinity and success…
“I went to have angiogram the other day I was bleeding too much, so they rescheduled.”
“And you’re still smoking?” asked my friend.
Quiet. No immediate answer. The answer that did arise related to the stress of work (don’t we all have stress?) and that it actually hurts him to smoke.
“When I drag it in, it hurts.”
“Then why do you do it?” asked my friend.
I sat there, quiet and reflective, knowing that there was no point. But this doesn't stop my friend telling people to quit if they're obviously experiencing medical issues. He had his own issues. Smoked 40 a day. A mild heart attack put a stop to that.
Our acquaintance sat somewhere else, lit up and continued smoking.
I'm not the type to tell others to stop. I'll briefly outline the benefits I've experienced, but I'm not in the habit of face-to-face preaching. What does annoy me? Smokers who whine about their health issues, to my face, knowing that their cigarettes are the direct cause, who continue to justify their habit with...
"I'm going to have two a day."
"I'm going to cut down gradually."
"I'm going to have cigarettes with my coffee only."

It's all pointless self-talk, rarely works to nip the habit in the bud, and no one adheres to a set regimen.

I can't claim to be an ace who stopped cold turkey overnight. Over the years, it took ten attempts for me to stop. In the past, I'd used every excuse to continue puffing.
The reason I stopped late last year related to the gradual decline of my fitness; I was unemployed (following a work complaint/claim), smoking my head off, beating my own personal record to smoke forty cigarettes a day and I'm not talking about 'light' milligrams. I was a 16 tar/milligram smoker.

There is no such thing as a 'light' cigarette. It's generally wise not to inhale something that is in the process of combustion. Cigarettes or any other tobacco product, are lethal. As is weed...but that's another story, and I'm not a weed smoker (although every weed smoker I've known has notched up quadruple bypass operations).

Back to our acquaintance mentioned above. I tend to be intuitive. The vibe he gave off, whether aura or not, indicated that he'd continue smoking. Some don't know what to do or how to be without cigarettes, as cigarettes are entwined with personal identity. That may seem crazy to a non-smoker, but it's quite real. Quitting isn't just about quitting. It's about reconstructing one's personal identity and behavior. This is why quitting is difficult for many smokers and will continue to be difficult in spite of the alleged assistance of products like nicotine patches, lozenges, gum and pills/anti-depressants (Zyban). I've tried them all, to fail miserably each time.

How did I prevail?

That's what this blog is about. That, and the way tobacco companies still try to prevail. To quit smoking is also to battle against the low tactics used by tobacco companies.

Remember:

It only takes just one cigarette to create a lifelong smoker. Tobacco companies manufacture cigarettes the way they do, with the 500+ chemical additives, to reduce the odds. Just one cigarette is enough to kickstart the temporary euphoria nicotine seemingly provides.